Charlotte Dad's Guest Series ? Transitioning to Fatherhood | The ...

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by Jenn ?|? on June 5th, 2012 ?|?

Let me introduce you to our first Charlotte Dads Guest Series writer: Chris and his wife Lisa have been blessed with two wonderful children, daughter Sydney and son Jacob. They moved to Charlotte, NC from Florida in 2009 in search of a better place to raise their family and have come to love the Charlotte area. Chris works in New Business Development for a Fortune 50 retailer. When he?s not spending time with his family, he likes to play golf, travel and root for his beloved Florida Gators.

Transitioning to Fatherhood

The transition to motherhood is so transformative that one cannot help but recognize the metamorphosis that takes place. Rarely does a single aspect of a woman pre- and post-child birth remain the same as the physical, emotional, and social toll of birthing and raising a child permeates every corner of her life. As such, empathy and support for such transition is completely interwoven within the fabric of female social circles. Generations and generations of women are inextricably linked by this bond and the innate open social dynamics of the female gender provide an immediate, universal support network that transcends nearly all cultural and social barriers. The sorority of motherhood is inclusive and compassionate because the challenges are well understood amongst the members.

The transition that occurs within fathers is much more difficult to recognize, understand and sympathize with. Our bodies are mercifully (or in my case, unmercifully) left unchanged albeit for a few more gray hairs and bags under our eyes. Our daily routines are relatively similar as many of us remain on the same career path as we did prior to our children. And our emotional make up generally facilitates a blockade to all but our most intimate circles around the deep emotional changes that take place. That said, the transition that takes place within a man as he moves into fatherhood is as profound any change that can take place within the human species. I can only talk in context to my own transition, but I envision that it does not differ greatly from that of many of peers (although our general nature to talk sports and careers with each other makes this more of an inference than a fact).

As someone who prides themselves on being prepared at all times, I can honestly say that I was shockingly unprepared for the internal transition that fatherhood has bestowed upon me. Since childhood, I was ultra-competitive in my pursuit of personal accomplishment whether in sports, academics, or my career. I was going to be the best, the smartest, the richest and no one was going to get in my way. And then, in one moment, I got perspective in life. My daughter taught me the true meaning of unconditional love (and my son has again since). And it is all engrossing which makes it so difficult to be all of the other things you wanted to be in life. As a natural extension of this emotional phenomenon, a loss of personal identity can take place. We want to be great providers and thought leaders in our professions, but no longer at the expense of family obligations. We want to pursue personally enriching or fulfilling endeavors, but not until after bed times. Weekends become time with kids and a much needed respite for Moms. And all along the way, fathers can begin to lose their sense of self. Striking the right balance is difficult, but necessary to maintain personal fulfillment.

Taking time to find personal fulfillment is certainly not an exclusive need for fathers and I hope that mothers pursue the same. Parenthood is a delicate balance between giving oneself completely for the benefit of another and not losing sight that we all need to have time for individual pursuits. I believe that mothers have long recognized this due to their openness with feelings and emotions among their social circles. The emotional make up of men can often times impede the recognition and acceptance of these ideas as our ?do what needs to be done? mentality overrides our internal strife around the stalling of our personal growth. As fathers, I hope that we continue to find better balances between our families, our careers and ourselves.

Chris is a guest blogger for TheCharlotteMoms.com and has not received compensation for this post. His post are his own thoughts and opinions.

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Author Description

Jenn

Jennifer is The Charlotte Moms' Editor-in Chief and a child of Christ. She has lived in the Charlotte area for 5 years with her roller coaster blogging husband and her two beautiful daughters. She is a self-proclaimed Jill-of-all-trades and is passionate about organizing events and her home. She loves Social Media and blogging and also writes for MommyBKnowsBest.com and freelances for other brands and companies as well. Jenn owns her silly personality, shows her love for God, and wants to help parents out through her experiences and what she has learned from others. Happy Reading!!

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